Bella: “I know what you are!”
Ozzy: “Say it! OUT LOUD!”
Ozzy: “Vampire? Vampire’s a pussy! I am the prince of FUCKING DARKNESS!”
Well, here I am. It’s currently 2:25am as I am writing this, and I don’t honestly know why. Maybe it’s because I fear for the sake of my masculinity that I not talk about this with my roommates, but would either approach to further prove that I am only human? I feel like I can’t go to my roommates. Particularly the one I am living with next year. I don’t exactly know how to put it to words as to why I can’t talk to him, but I just can’t.
The matter of fact is that I’m not very happy right now. It seems almost wherever I look I am constantly being reminded that everyone else in my life seems to have someone, and here I am; alone. Lately, the reminders and the pang that I keep feeling just keeps getting worse.
In a single night, I witness and hear the accounts of how one of my roommates gets laid by a total stranger, another finally gets with the girl who lives across the hall, and the last roommate has yet another FaceTime chat with his girlfriend from Syracuse. Do not get me wrong, I am happy for them all, but at the same time I cannot help but feel jealous of what they all have, or have been getting.
The problem for me is I can’t find someone. That or I don’t know who to find, or where to look. I may tend to joke around with the titles and choruses of cheesy Queen songs, but they’re true.
Now why of all places I chose to write here is beyond me. Here I am, pouring my out the few words my heart can find to many strangers, few acquaintances, and fewer friends. Clearly, this is not just another Black Sabbath post.
The worst part of all of this is that I keep finding myself thinking of her. Over a year has gone by, and I am still thinking of her. Why am I? I thought I was over her, past her, done with her. I thought I was, but clearly I’m not.
I miss her. What exactly, I’m not sure. Maybe I miss her friendship. Maybe I miss loving her. Maybe I just miss loving someone. Perhaps it’s all of the above. I wish she and I were still friends, but we are not. We’re friendly, now, but not friends. I don’t think we’ll ever go back; a damn shame too.
Since the New Year of 2013, I’ve moved on pretty far, but not far enough. I still have another few miles to go until I’m over her completely. I feel ready to move on, I just need someone to help me get there. She already found someone else, and I’m happy for her. I’ve been wondering lately if she managed to cross the road. She probably has.
I need somebody to love.